perspectives

A man who experiences sexual problems of any kind is often focused on how the problem makes him feel about himself. The result is lowered self-esteem, a sense that sexual partners will find him less attractive and abandon him, and fixation on performance, which is guaranteed to make the problem worse. It might be helpful to look at the problem from some other perspectives.

Article contents:

Wellness Perspective by Donald B. Ardell, Ph.D.
The Female Perspective

Wellness Perspective

Donald B. Ardell, Ph.D. is the director of the Seek Wellness Wellness Center. Don is a leader in the wellness movement, which promotes creative adaptations to life’s realities. Don writes about self-management strategies for overcoming problems, crises and obstacles. His work is designed to enable consumers to find effective strategies for shaping their lifestyles as art forms in order to realize maximum satisfaction, freedom, added meaning and greater purpose. Nearly 200 essays by Don on all manner of topics pertinent to a wellness perspective are available at the Wellness Center.

Wellness is a mindset characterized by a strong sense of personal responsibility. Wellness lifestyles are based upon an awareness of and regard for key principles in at least 14 major life skill areas. The concept has relevance to anyone faced with impotence or other factors that affect sexuality, which of course includes everyone! It is especially attractive to all who find the idea of consumer empowerment attractive.

As the host of the Wellness Center at SeekWellness, my role is to offer suggestions, ideas and facts about ways in which you might be able to utilize your own wellness perspectives to add value to the quality of your life. I can assist in your efforts to deal creatively and effectively with the many problems and challenges connected with the experience of impotence or other sexual dysfunctions, whether temporary or otherwise. These insights could apply in your own life or be useful for someone in your care.

Though I am a promoter of healthy lifestyles with a doctorate in health promotion, not medicine, I understand that an estimated 30 to 40 million American males are considered to have some degree of Erectile Dysfunction (ED). This is surely a modest estimate, based on the definition of persistent or repeated inability to attain or maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance for at least three months. I personally can’t see why anyone would want to maintain an erection for three months, given the importance of balance in one’s life but, then again, tastes do vary.

Oh, by the way, humor is an important part of a wellness perspective, in that it can lighten the darkest of moods, change brain chemistry, create “feel good” emotions, defuse tension and assist people to bond and cooperate. Unfortunately, not everyone finds the same things humorous, but then risk-taking is sometimes a part of continued development and often contributes to human understanding and advancement.

ED can and does invite misunderstanding, divides and distances couples, creates conflicts and emotional upsets, fosters shame and guilt and otherwise diminishes the prospects of healthy habits and satisfying relationships. Sound communications and openness to new perspectives are among the factors that can contribute to a near-term reduction in these and other problems and sometimes, in the long-term, the complete resolution of all dysfunctions. A wellness perspective can provide an effective context in which to see the broadest possible picture, in the best framework, when dealing with specific parts of the whole of life.

Please consider having a look at the basics of a wellness perspective at this site’s Wellness Center. In addition to all the essays about a self-management perspective on issues of varied kinds, you might enjoy other interesting features, including my interviews with wellness leaders, a resource section for conferences and helpful resources, entertaining description of foundation wellness concepts and a lot of comments from visitors to the site.

All the best. Be well.

Posted April 2003

The Female Perspective

Super-Virile Male Stereotypes

Let's face it guys. It ain't easy being on the Y-chromosome side of the gender gap, especially when it comes to taking care of the family jewels. For one thing, you just don't talk about what goes on "down there" the way women do. It's a well-known fact that most women are shameless when it comes to discussing intimate details of their monthly cycle. Guys would rather eat broken glass than talk to anyone about what goes on in their torpid zone.

And another thing, you've got all those super-virile male stereotypes to live down. You never hear Dirty Harry or Rambo complaining about fertility or prostate problems. Even sensitive, new-age kind of guys find it easier to explain quantum mechanics than to talk with their partners about impotence. -- Valerie Chapman, RN, University of Washington.

Hello, Guys - Peyronie's Disease

I am posting on behalf of my spouse (I'm female) who is having trouble coming to grips with his recent diagnosis of not only prostatitis, but also Peyronie's Disease. He is still quite young, so he's in shock and not taking it well; actually, he's in a total state of denial, if the truth be told.

I'm trying very hard to convince him that my searching the literature, the 'Net', etc. for the most current info on these subjects is not a "hidden" way of saying I am no longer satisfied with him and/or "want some kind of cure or else...". Since I know from past experience of close friendships with males (including my own father) that these diseases can be devastating in their effect on quality of life and longevity if they are not dealt with and/or a cure attempted, this is why I'm haunting the paths of knowledge.

However, we are new to this group and the subject matter altogether, and are wondering if anyone here might know where to steer us next for info, especially on the Peyronie's. What are the very latest in non-surgical interventions/treatments? Does anyone out there have any suggestions on where to turn next?

Thanks very much in advance for replies (and for allowing a female to invade your space!!) (-;

Weak Libido - Strong Affection

Below is a response to my own earlier question, since others expressed interest:

I am assured by a wonderful source (person) that men who are affectionate remain affectionate after RP, even if they don't feel sexual. (ooch--watch out for stitches!)

They also reportedly stay affectionate if they're having hormone treatment, although this treatment does eventually have a radical effect on libido.

We're about to find out how true this last is, since Steve is going to have a hormone shot. We kept coming across so many recommendations to have hormones before surgery that he finally went for it. Hormone treatment can reportedly "shrink" the tumor down some and discourage growth between diagnosis and surgery.

Sex is important to us, but it's amazing how the possibility of losing a loved one puts sex in proper perspective. We are beginning to feel more assured that we can figure out something reasonable sexually, given a chance!

Posted April 2003